a sweet smelling mess

Little hands brought me a gift of torn rose petals from the back yard this morning...


they are a little bit smashed and a bit of dirt is ground into the pale pink blossoms...

and they have never smelled so sweet...

In defense of the Nice Girl...

For those that don’t know, my name is Heather.

{Nice to meet you!}

And if you were born anywhere around the time I was, you remember the cult classic movie by the same name…If you weren’t blessed to have heard of “Heather's” (which I confess to have heard of a LOT but never having seen), the gist, from what I understand, is that a group of girls (aptly, named Heather) rule the school with control, intimidation and their feminine “wiles.” People get killed, popular 80’s stars rock some crazy hair-do’s and the name Heather forever becomes associated with, you know, the B word.

(I am an ex-cop, married to a sailor…I, sadly, have no aversion to cuss words, but I am trying to keep the show family friendly…I will use the word “brat” to substitute when necessary.)

Now, I will confess that I have worked hard at times to live up to my name sake. And lately, it appears that being a brat no longer has the same connotation that it once did. People are actually proclaiming their pride over being one in books, on Facebook and on bumper stickers. It has come to mean a tough girl with ambition that knows how to take care of herself. And what is wrong with that? Well, in my opinion, it could be a lot. Now, here me out…I am not advocating for women to become doormats and allow people to hurt them and victimize them. And I am most certainly not saying that being tough and ambitious is a bad thing. But let’s look at some of the myths of being a nice girl:


Nice Girl Myth #1: They are doormats.

Let’s start here: don’t confuse nice with passive. Being nice is a choice and is often the harder choice in the face of some obstacles. Being nice is a dynamic action that can show kindness and grace (and, let’s not forget-a good example to our children) when someone has done us wrong. There are certainly times that standing up for things like justice and equality deserve righteously angry words and actions-but, let’s be honest, someone cutting us off in the parking lot or talking behind our back at the playgroup is not such a situation.

Nice Girl Myth #2: They are weak.

When I was a cop, in a uniform, on midnight shift, responding to a domestic abuse call 5 minutes before any back-up was going to be there, I often walked into situations where having an attitude was a guaranteed physical fight. I learned that a gentle voice, a calming attitude and a guiding hand can get a wife-beater in the back of a police cruiser with a lot less paperwork than coming in with a hard shell on. I learned the guiding principle that “tough” can sometimes be a hindrance. There is a fine line between knowing all the right moves to protect yourself should a fight arise and picking a fight in order to show that you have the right moves.

The fight isn’t necessary-knowing the right moves is.

Nice Girl Myth #3: They are not in control (i.e. they are being submissive to someone else) and the woman of 2010 should be in control.

We all walk into situations that scare us, intimidate us or threaten us at some point in our lives. We try a new playgroup. We make a new friend who differs on some of the essential parenting issues we believe in. We have to attend a work function with our husband and we feel pressure to live up to a certain standard. Going in on the defensive may protect us from getting hurt but it perpetuates stereotypes about women. I believe that the “brat” fascination that we are pushing in our society as an answer to past generations of oppressed women is hurting us more than it is helping us. And, ironically, in an age where we work so hard to keep our girls from being the victims of men, bullying between females has reached violent and deadly proportions. When we, as women and mothers, are in a situation that we feel calls for being mean, it is typically because we aren’t sure of our strengths. And when we react to something that someone does or says to us, what we are doing isn’t necessarily being tough-we are allowing that other person to have control over us. While there are times for taking an “I-am-not-going-to-let-you-talk-to-me-like-that” stance, what we typically say in those situations is less eloquent than the Julia Sugarbaker-speech we wanted to say. (The Designing Women reference is for those of my generation…weren’t they great?) We end up spending the rest of our day rewriting what we wish we had said and the control that the other person afflicted over us has carried over into our whole day. At the end of the day, I would rather someone think of me as meek than full of hot air and have lost my entire day wasted on obsessing over the issue. Most of the time, those I see acting like the biggest brats are those that have the least amount of control in their lives.

The “nice girl” may not be the popular one nowadays. She is not the one that is celebrated in movies and status changes. Television and movies continue to show movies where the popular girls in high school are the means one and the successful grown-ups are the cold, heartless tough ones. Running over people may have its immediate perks, but, in the end, where does that leave you? Maybe, by breaking some of the myths down about who and what a nice girl is, we can begin to embrace her and show our children and each other that “mean” doesn’t always finish first.

Do you agree? Disagree? I would love to hear some thoughts!

Toddler's Last Stand

You may not see it immediately...but this is the face of a warrior that has the strength and will of a million generals

(um, or in my household, admirals...but, to be honest, that doesn't seem to have the same word power...)

the battle lines were clearly drawn...

You would think that a 30 pound toddler would be the underdog...

But underdogs know how to use their strengths and their opponents weaknesses to their advantage...they use manuevers such as the "floor-wallering"

They even make you believe that they are letting you win at some point...

then they out-manuever you in another "floor wallering" move...


but eventually, the shear length of the battle can wear on even the most trained warrior...

and mom wins and the legos are returned to their rightful place!

{Disclaimer: grabbing the camera when you toddler is in the midst of a battle-of-wills is a move done at your own risk. It worked in my advantage in the Battle of the Legos!}

How does your garden grow?

Our little square foot/container garden has made great progress and we are enjoying all the tiny harvests that we have experienced lately...

Fresh herbs are my favorite part of my little garden...I have used copious amounts of both types of basil, cilantro and sage so far. I am dreaming of minty dishes to come!

The crown on one of our broccoli plants... I confess to having no clue as how to a)know when it is time to harvest, b)how to harvest it, and c)whether it produces more than one crown.
{Is it even called a crown?}

Oh-yes-I-am growing my tomatoes in a Topsy Turvy! The vines seem to be doing well and we keep checking for tiny tomatoes to show themselves...



Hidden below the green foliage are some baby strawberries...however, it appears none will make it to adult-hood since they keep getting eaten as soon as they turn pink!

{We are learning great lessons in our little, tiny garden!}

We are enjoying reading Louis Ehlert's book "Growing Vegetable Soup" and are working on a preschool lapbook and activities based on the book...

Do you have any spring time or nature-based activities that you are doing? What does your preschooler like to learn about? We are always on the look-out for lessons and activities to do-please share!

Overcoming Fear

Sometimes we don't want to be where God and life's circumstances place us...

and we most definitly do not want to be sitting out on that ledge by ourselves...

but sometimes all we need is someone to hold us and whisper in our ear "It will be okay..."

because when we have company in the scary places that we sometimes have to be, things don't look so bad...

I am very grateful for the people in my life that are whispering in my ear right now... you make my ledge seem a lot less scary...

thank you.

My Running Manifesto

I have written this post in my mind a million times, even before I had a forum in which to share it. Inspired by Scoutie Girl's challenge to "kick down that door" and by the running of the Boston Marathon today, I am posting (for myself and to, hopefully, inspire someone else...) my running manifesto... (Disclaimer: the bold words are stolen lovingly from Fort Minor's song 'Remember the Name.' And, in full disclosure, it is a rap song...)

Ten percent Luck...

I am the daughter of a runner. It wasn't my choice and was something I fought and rebelled against for a long time. But the circumstances, knowledge and example that my dad exposed me to are priceless. I am lucky...

Twenty percent Skill...

While running comes naturally to the young, somewhere along the way, we forget how to do it. Or more likely, we begin to fear it. We fear how we will look. We fear how we will feel. When I began running, I read books on how to run a certain way, breath a certain way and dress a certain way to improve my speed. While I learned alot and found shoes that made running easier, my skill comes from consistently lacing those shoes and putting one in front of the other. I am skillfull...

Fifteen percent Concentrated Power of Will

I will make goals and I will honor the promise that I make to myself to reach them. I am learning to accept that, sometimes, my "good reasons" for not running are just excuses. I will show my son an example of self-discipline and that we have control over our behaviors. I am willfull...

Five percent Pleasure

Running is not an activity of self-sacrifice and masochism. Running's rewards are endless and personal. Running has pulled me out of a depression, helped me lose weight, strengthened relationships, and has given me inspiration to improve myself in other ways. Running gives me pleasure in ways that I never anticipated. I am happy...

Fifty percent Pain

I appreciate pain..both the physical kind and the kind that comes with pushing myself mentally beyond my normal confines. I want my son and future children to know how to deal with pain. Our current society has scrubbed and neutralized our experiences that we no longer know how to deal with discomfort. We want things easy and our children want things given to them. While black toenails and chaffed skin are inevitabilities for anyone who puts in longer miles, the lessons of endurance, perserverance and tenacity that I have learned make each blister worth the pain. Running has given me moxie. I am courageous.

Give a hundred percent

I run slow. I do not have a runner's body. But what I have, I will put in with complete abandon when I run. My 100% may not be someone else's but I will challenge myself to never sell myself short. I will give 100%.

"I run because it's so symbolic of life. You have to drive yourself to overcome the obstacles. You might feel that you can't. But then you find your inner strength, and realize you're capable of so much more than you thought."
--Arthur Blank

I've got an itch...

...and the only thing that will cure it is more...

Pyrex!

These two pieces were gifted from my mother-in-law while we were vacationing together in their mountain cabin...they are the most perfect aqua blue and I have been seriously bitten by the vintage Pyrex collecting bug!

(Have you ever checked out the Pyrex Love Flickr group? Pure vintage deliciousness!)

This bowl has it flaws but it makes the perfect snack bowl.


These lower-fat peanut butter banana cookies are insanely yummy for being mostly unprocessed and vegan...I completely recommend them!

A little detour...

We have been both really busy and really taking our time out to enjoy each other at my house...we are working on getting back into the new grove of the changing season. During this time, we took a detour to the Great Smoky Mountain National Park...

We saw breath-takingly beautiful views...

I wore completely inappropriate shoes to climb down to see this beautiful waterfall:

You could walk behind it and the kiddo completely got a kick out of getting wet!

We spent a couple hours as a family hiking the amazing Chimney Top trail...

and saw this at the top...

More information on our little detour and my plans for getting back on the beaten path to come!