"Share everything. Don't take things that aren't yours. Put things back where you found them." -Robert Fulghum, All I Really needed to know, I Learned in KindergardenAs we prepare ourselves to welcome a new child into our home {as much as you can when you don't know age, gender, or even when!}, we have been doing our best to get our son to understand about sharing his toys, home and parents with a new kiddo. But our efforts to teach our son to share freely seem to be backfiring.
And it has got me thinking...
You know the situation: your child has a toy that he brings to a playdate. Another little one takes it out of their hand and your child gets upset. The other mother gives you that look: are you going to encourage your child to share with mine? Each week, we go to a preschool swim time at our local pool that allows pool toys and it is "understood" that all toys are essentially communal for everyone to use. And, to be honest, the whole "forced" sharing thing going on has me thinking twice about whether I want to make my child share his things.
Let's be clear: I want my children to learn to be generous, charitable and giving. I strongly believe that we would have alot less political disagreements on social issues if we all were personally a little more giving. And, for me, my faith encourages me (and I aim to teach my children) to be giving of our time, talents and resources to help others. But I struggle to accept that teaching our children that they have to share all of their stuff takes away the biggest part of obedience: your attitude. I have seen my son become less and less willing to share since I have made a specific emphasis on it. He seems to hold on tighter to his things out of fear of losing them
{oh, how I relate to this as an adult...}
To add an extra dimension to this issue, as a future parent (temporary or otherwise) of children that have been removed from unhealthy home situations, I want to be particularly understanding that they may be sensitive when it comes to physical goods, including food. I have friends with adopted children that have hoarded food, refused to allow their clothes to be removed to be washed (out of fear they wouldn't get them back) or developed unlikely attachments to odd items around the house that reminded them of things back home. I fear that adopting a policy of sharing everything could potentially hurt a child that is coming from a background of neglect (or simply has been through the tragedy of being removed from the only home they have ever known.) While I recognize that "sharing" is done to teach a good and beneficial character trait, I am afraid that when a child comes from loss, a parent or guardian making a child share, no matter how well-meaning, could be causing more harm than good.
So, I ask you to share with me...what are your thoughts on the subject?
Does your child have certain objects that they are NOT encouraged to share? How do you deal with this when it comes to other people's expectation that we should be teaching our children to share and not be selfish?
If you are a foster and/or adoptive parent who has dealt with issues of loss and attachment, what advice can you give me to a) help future children in my home feel safe and stable and b) how to prepare my son to the transistion?
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